There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
