Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
