i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
