he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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