Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
