So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
