If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
