I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize