I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
