she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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