i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
