My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
