but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
