mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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