im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize