soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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