That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
