I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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