Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
