we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
