She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
