Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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