Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
