Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
