God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would fuck him just for his dog
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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