I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
