But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
