Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
