you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
