if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize