She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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