He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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