Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
