Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
