I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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