I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
