we made out on top of his cat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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