bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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