Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
