Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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