We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
