She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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