Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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