I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
