Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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