Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
