I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
