My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
