weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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