I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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