my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
