Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
