ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize