You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize