You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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