Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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