I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it glows. i had to have it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize