Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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