I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
