His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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