I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
