i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
