Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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