Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
