you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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