I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
