Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
