Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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