Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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